We’re fast approaching the middle of 2020 and I’m sat here wondering where things began to fall apart so badly.
I’m not usually a planner, but I made a conscious decision this year to put more thought into what direction I was going to take things. I decided that I would set some deadlines on certain tasks, introduce more to the agenda, and see how things went. It seemed like a good idea at the time, and I would argue at this point that it still is.
I’m the queen of bad decisions, it would seem. Some things worked, but others not so much. If something new came up, I was more than willing to take it on without thinking about the impact it would have upon those tasks that I had already scheduled.
Then there was the inevitable block to creativity that came at one point or another.
First, there was the fact that when you are so busy doing other writing-related things (editing, reading, etc.) it is easy to lose sight of what you should also be doing every day. In this case that is writing. Without exercising the writing muscle, I found that I couldn’t focus on writing anything at all. This is a problem that could have been easily solved had I just tried to write something (anything) daily. Except I didn’t. I know now that if all I can write is a line every day then at least I have a baseline to work from. Therefore, I haven’t failed at all.
Second, completing the tasks that are involved in getting the first draft to the final product is a lot of hard work. I am still editing ‘Raising Hell’ and, following its release, I will be moving on to editing ‘Songs from the Styx’ which is due for release (hopefully) before September. Had somebody asked me at the beginning of the process how long it would take, I would have naively guessed at a couple of months tops. Now I realise how ambitious that estimate would have been. It has increased my admiration of people who self/indie publish by a ridiculous amount. Many publish more than one book a year, and although it may appear effortless, it most certainly isn’t.
Last of all, comes everyday life. Whilst I found myself to already be in a bad place due to my father being diagnosed with myeloma at the end of last year, I was also dealing with two children who were constantly facing bullying in one form or another at school. Plus they’re teenagers. I have a menagerie of animals at home, but one of my dogs is older and is having age-related issues that involve various medications. I worry about what will happen with him constantly. He has been my companion for around 12 years now and I hate to see him like it.
Then on Sunday came the news we had all been dreading. My father-in-law was diagnosed with Alzheimers a couple of years ago and had been deteriorating for a while. He was in and out of the hospital for the last few weeks and at the end of last week, he finally succumbed. He went in his sleep. It wasn’t Covid19 related. He was a great man who gave so much to those he loved. I pray from the bottom of my heart that he is at peace now.
Times have been hard this year. They have been difficult for everybody. Coronavirus has wreaked havoc and whilst it has worked its twisted sorcery to benefit writers with more time to write, it has also gifted us our families whilst separating us at the same time. Zoom and WhatsApp have become crucial for keeping in touch with relatives who do not live under the same roof as us (we have family quiz night once a week, which is more often than some of us managed by way of phone calls before these strange times).
Covid19 has changed things greatly. Sadly, many have been seriously ill or lost their lives in this era. Family is so important at any time. It is crucial right now. So whereas before I would have stressed about the failures I have met with this year, now I have more appreciation for the things that I maybe didn’t before. I realise I shouldn’t beat myself up so much over things that don’t go 100% the way I would like them to go. All I can do is keep trying to get things right, try not to control them so much when they don’t, and take each new day as it comes.
But above all, I need to spend more time with my family.
Right now, it’s the only way to get on in this strange thing we call life.
T.F. Webb 